I don’t know where I am anymore. Everyday I look down my life path I see something different. I want so much in my life and I know that everything takes time. I know that I can’t take on too much but all these different solutions take a lot of time for me with all my complications. How am I suppose to reach success if everything I do is taking me to this place where I don’t who and what I want to be. I lose passion in the things I want to succeed in quickly. Saddest thing is that the only thing I probably will always do is have sex. Maybe I should stop that. Unless I’m having sex with myself . Maybe my focus will go up. I don’t know how to solve this.
I look around me and all my friends have carried on and continued on to college. The only thing I’ve succeeded in was creating a family. I brought a child into this world with no financial plan , no home for him and myself, no car , no highschool or college education. What the hell am I doing? How am I going to dig myself out of this hole? I’m in this situation but I brought another person into it. I’m lost. I have no money, no job, and no babysitter. The only thing that have a income in it was opening my legs on camera to get money for myself and my son. How will I do that now. I moved into a worse situation than I was already in.
My family is shitty. No one helps me . I’m on my own and I see nothing ahead for me . I have to stay for my son though. Every bone in my body just say run away. Find something that will just help you escape . That would be so selfish if I just left. That would make me a bad person. I need a getaway from my life. My life is leading to this road of a blank canvas of nothing . Everything I wanted bring no joy to me. My son makes me happy but when I look at him I see how much of a failure I am as a mother.
I wanted a child. I wanted him my perfect angel to make me smile when I’m lonely. What have done? He’s going to hate me. Will he be me in twenty years on this road to nowhere?